It's about respect.

[rogueslayer452]

It's so interesting to me seeing people who don't understand the concept of nonbinary deciding that just because they don't get it, it means that they can be not only completely rude but also discredit and invalidate anyone who identifies as such, along with other dismissive and ignorant attitudes all because it challenges their limited worldview that they don't want to change.

In elementary school, when we were learning about pronouns during English lessons (in the context of writing and language), it was taught that you used they/them when you either don't know a person's gender or are trying to not reveal someone's gender. This was something that I learned and used quite often ever since, both in writing and when speaking. So when learning more about gender identity, it makes perfect sense to me that someone who doesn't want to identity as of either gender binaries would prefer to use they/them, since I had a pretty good understanding of how it was used in language and, even though that wasn't what we were learning it for, it was just a natural progression of me understanding it being used for gender identity. If you can use they/them in context of not knowing someone's identity or wanting to keep someone anonymous, it shouldn't be hard to continue using those pronouns once you learn that that's how they want to be addressed as.

So please, be respectful of people's gender identities, or any other personal identity they may have.

Comments

[rogueslayer452.livejournal.com]

I'm also hoping that he can change. I'm sure that he's surrounded by a lot of things that influence that kind of intolerance on a daily basis, and having one conversation isn't going to magically change him overnight. He just needs more people around him to kind of open his eyes and his mind a little bit. Not that that's your responsibility, of course. It's just something I'm hoping, because I've seen people claim that once you've entered that alt-right mindset there is no going back, and the older you are the less likely you'll change, and I don't like to think that's true. It can be hard to change the mind of someone who has believed in such rhetoric most of their lives, but it's not impossible.

but I have to respect that people know their own selves more than I do.

Exactly, and this is something that I think more people need to understand. You don't know someone better than they know themselves, so attempting to police or correct or convert them based on your biases and worldview reflects badly on you, and shows how intolerant you are of not letting people just be themselves. Mainly, that's a you problem, not theirs.

I find that even if people are being trolls and doing it for attention (which is less than 1% of the time, anyway), they're most likely going through something and, aside from misgendering them to "prove a point" is counterproductive anyway and really showcasing your own intolerance just because the other side is being a dick, by being mean to them and belittling them isn't going to solve anything. It's easy to go down the mean-spirited route when someone is being an asshole, but I think it's easier to show yourself to actually be tolerable and nice and polite. This goes doubly for people you don't like, which I've seen a lot of and I think it's very horrible that just because you don't like someone doesn't give you the right to misgender or call them derogatory words. If you don't like that being done to you or towards others, why is it acceptable to do it to someone you don't like?

At the end of the day, just be nice and courteous and respect what people prefer to be called/referred to.

[elizalavelle.livejournal.com]

Co-worker seems to have a more balanced wife. He got his first vaccine and hasn't bene at the anti-vax/masks/lockdown protests here because she's said if he goes to those he can't come back home. He's not got the second vaccine though because he needs to "research" so... she's only got some leverage there but it's better than nothing.

Agreed on the misgendering to prove a point. It's not going to help them with whatever they are going through and probably will just cause them more harm even if their gender isn't the issue.

It comes down to the Wil Wheaton rule: don't be a dick. It's good in all situations.

Frankly if the person is a terrible person or being a troll etc. if you are kind to them and go with whatever gender they ask to be called etc. they just look like bigger and bigger assholes. Let them dig their own hole on that, they'll show the world who they are.