Fandom Snowflake Challenge: Changed Opinions

[rogueslayer452]

Challenge #3: In your own space, talk about a fannish opinion you hold that has changed over time. [...] Despite society's insistence otherwise, the beliefs and opinions that we hold about things change over time. We thought it was important that we reflect that (and perhaps laugh at our previously ill-considered opinions) with this challenge.

I've had to really sit with this one, because I have loads of these kinds of changes with my thoughts and opinions regarding fandom in various ways. It was a matter of figuring out which ones I want to talk about, specifically the ones that I felt are the most significant to my overall fandom experience, since individual fandom thoughts are constantly changing.


Being more mindful when talking about something I don't like. I have definitely gone on rants in the past, either in my own posts or commenting on someone else's journal or communities when talking about something, and while having criticism and airing out personal gripes about a piece of media I have gone overboard at times without taking into consideration that someone out there might actually like the thing that I didn't. Having been on the other side of this, loving something that so many vocally dislike (and even been made fun of for liking it), it's not a good feeling. Even if I do have strong feelings about something there is a fine line between constructive criticism and hate or just straight up bashing, and while I don't think I've ever said something nasty to someone directly for something they liked that I didn't what I might have written may have come across that way, which knowing how I was before I was quite passionate in my opinions. I am still passionate, however I've been trying to convey a more constructive way of giving my thoughts. It's been a conscious effort, and one that has been helping me over the years to combat a lot of the judgmental nature of the online community in general.

It's basically the "this piece of media wasn't for me, and that's okay" approach, along with "there is a time and a place" for expressing my thoughts on something. And this goes for anything from canons to characters and pairings.

This kind of extends to.....

Is it the female character, or the writing of the female character? This one is a bit harder to admit, but while I have an endless love for women in fiction there are ones that I have been heavily critical of or just outright hate, not just in the past but in the present, too, and yes unfortunately sometimes it was over a particular pairing I preferred (usually m/m). I've had to do a lot of self-reflecting with this because over the years the subject of internalized misogyny has been brought up in fannish spaces and it's something I had to acknowledge and come to terms with my own. While I knew that my hate for these characters was irrational it was still something I needed to try to step back and examine it from a different perspective on why I was feeling this way. Is it the female character, or was it the writing of the character that I had issues with? Was it the acting that was rubbing me the wrong way? Are we meant to not like this character in this particular moment, and if so why? Is it because the character is acting in such a way that intentionally is causing conflict for the narrative? It's these kinds of questions that has really helped me redirect my frustrations in a better and more constructive manner.

Obviously I don't have to like every single female character I come across, and a lot of times you don't have to have a reason why beyond a "just because", but there are times when I do need to stop and take a step back to assess whether or not that is true.

Comments

[author_by_night]

I have gone overboard at times without taking into consideration that someone out there might actually like the thing that I didn't. H

Me too. And in one case, I knew some people liked it, but... I dunno. I think I was so caught up in mocking it, and maybe you were as well. Doesn't help that we were both young when we started our fandom journeys. (And I'm not saying older fans should babysit younger fans, it's not like any of them played pied piper and it's not like we were so young we couldn't make our own choices, but I do think people in their late twenties through late forties behaving badly made us feel "better" about it, because when you're that age, you don't realize being older really doesn't mean you know shit. Unless it's authority figures. Heh.)

. Having been on the other side of this, loving something that so many vocally dislike (and even been made fun of for liking it), it's not a good feelin

No, it's not. And I know exactly what you mean - I would never have outright said 'well, if you like XYZ, you're stupid". I was genuinely shocked that my friends were hurt by some of my posts. I'm with you, it's finding the balance between criticism and bashing, especially given how personal bashing can be, even if you don't mean for it to. Also, it needs to be said that liking something doesn't mean you think it's perfect. I don't think I've ever thought anything I read or watched was perfect. 
It's been a conscious effort, and one that has been helping me over the years to combat a lot of the judgmental nature of the online community in general.

You really do a great job of it, FWIW. :)

y Is it the female character, or was it the writing of the character that I had issues with? Was it the acting that was rubbing me the wrong way?

I really like this question, and I think that's actually a big one. Is it internalized misogyny? Could the writing have been better? Is it ship goggles more than internalized misogyny? Or is it a combination?
  

[tjs_whatnot]

I feel this post in my bones. I too used to have not the greatest ways of expressing my love for one thing by pointing out the flaws in other things. And while I never intended to judge those who did like that thing, it could have been perceived that way.

And, I too continue to stress about my dislike for a lot of female characters and what does that say about me as a sort-of-kind-of female? I'm still unpacking it all, but you raise a lot of great questions to consider in my own journey, so thank you. ❤️❤️

[itsnotmymind]

Very thoughtful

[got_quiet]

These are two things I need to keep in mind too. I try to keep the harsher criticism to my own spaces, especially since I enjoy picking things apart. Sometimes I forget that this can come across as hostile, or is contributing to a greater trend that can make having a minority opinion frustrating in common spaces.

Sometimes it can be really hard to pick apart exactly why we react to characters the way we do. And when a topic is contentious it's hard to be internally calm enough to really approach our own feelings productively.

[elizalavelle]

I like that change, I think I've done some more of that for myself as well. Not all fandoms are for me. Not all characters are for me. It's fine that I don't like them but it's good to be aware that people out there do like the character or show or pairing or whatever and they don't need me to make them feel bad about that.

If something is objectively bad - like hey this show glorifies assault or something else that's bad then I'm happy to call that out but if it's just me not liking something it's fine for me to say I don't like it and to move on.

The writing of female characters is definitely a thing to reflect on because so many male writers just cannot write women, some are proud of that and think it's something to brag about. So maybe the character is just fine but some of the writers for a series just can't do her justice and we're so used to it that we think that's just how women are. Also there are things we've been programmed to accept in male characters that we don't like in female ones and that's something else I grapple with.

[verdande_mi]

This was an interesting read, thank you for sharing.

[rogueslayer452]

:)

[haebin]

♥️

[svgurl]

I definitely relate to both of these.

It's basically the "this piece of media wasn't for me, and that's okay" approach, along with "there is a time and a place" for expressing my thoughts on something.
For sure. It can be easy to get carried away when you're passionate about something but finding the line is important to.

And I get that about female characters. Ship related reasons (slash fandom gets the heat but het fandom can also be really cruel to other women that their favorite male character is paired with) and being harsher on women when men make similar actions is something I have had to own up to and yes, definitely it is okay to dislike characters and you don't have to write meta figuring out why, but also why and how you deal with the hate is worth thinking about.